Lucy Pevensie
Queen of Narnia
Administrator
Honorable Equine
Narnian Magic: 612
 Offline
Player's Gender: 
Character's Gender:  Affiliation: For Narnia!
| My Real Name: |
Misha |
| Character's Species: |
Human |
| Notes: |
Adjusting from being a celebrated 23 year old Narnian queen to being an ordinary 8 year old English schoolchild would be hard for anyone. Lucy did as well as anyone could. But she was rarely truly happy.
For a year, Lucy tried over and over to get back to Narnia, but to no avail. She did not give up hope, though, and now, at last, her faith seems to have borne fruit. She is back in Narnia, her true home, to restore Prince Caspian to his rightful throne. A daunting task? Maybe. But she's in Narnia; she can face anything. |
Posts: 716
Referrals: 2
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« Reply #0 on: November 08, 2009, 03:45:05 PM » |
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Hi there! This is pretty good! I just have a few questions/suggestions.
First, in a couple of places, you mention that Peepiceek has previously lost his tail. How did this happen? You don't mention anything about it in the history, and it seems like it would have been a pretty big event. Further, how did it grow back? Aslan hasn't been around in centuries, so he can't heal Peep's tail like he healed Reepicheep's tail after Prince Caspian.
Second, four of Peepiceek's "weaknesses" are Friends, Mice (Family), Aslan, and Reepicheep. How are these weaknesses?
Finally, it would be nice if you could go through this once more for spelling and grammar. You have a few typos and several run-ons and capitalization problems.
So just edit your app to address those issues, let me know when you're done, and I'll be glad to take another look at this app!
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CotM - Mar. 2010
Storyline
It was just a little fun, lighten up. (rubs his cheek) You're lucky you're a lady, else I'd have boxed your ears.
