Lucy Pevensie
Queen of Narnia
Administrator
Honorable Equine
Narnian Magic: 612
 Offline
Player's Gender: 
Character's Gender:  Affiliation: For Narnia!
| My Real Name: |
Misha |
| Character's Species: |
Human |
| Notes: |
Adjusting from being a celebrated 23 year old Narnian queen to being an ordinary 8 year old English schoolchild would be hard for anyone. Lucy did as well as anyone could. But she was rarely truly happy.
For a year, Lucy tried over and over to get back to Narnia, but to no avail. She did not give up hope, though, and now, at last, her faith seems to have borne fruit. She is back in Narnia, her true home, to restore Prince Caspian to his rightful throne. A daunting task? Maybe. But she's in Narnia; she can face anything. |
Posts: 716
Referrals: 2
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« Reply #0 on: February 23, 2010, 12:48:54 PM » |
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Hi! I'm SO sorry about taking so long for this; I've been insanely busy lately.
Mainly, I'd like you to expand on this. The "Overall" section of appearances should be at least a paragraph (5-7 good sentences) long. Your "General Personality" and "General History" sections could be longer as well. They have the right number of paragraphs, but they're rather bare bones and short (as I said before, a paragraph for our apps should be around 5-7 sentences to count.) Tell us more about Scout, and his life! I know he's not very old, but surely there are more details you could give us about what's happened since he was born. Oh, and as a quick note, Nikabrik still hasn't died yet.
Also, do check for readability. Some of your sentences are a bit long, which makes them hard to follow. I also noticed at least one spelling error.
Make those changes, and then I'll take another look! Once again, I am SOOOOO sorry this took so long!
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CotM - Mar. 2010
Storyline
It was just a little fun, lighten up. (rubs his cheek) You're lucky you're a lady, else I'd have boxed your ears.
